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I could not locate a similar thread in TAI
. Please merge, if such a thread exists.
In my nearly Two Lakh kilometers of driving in both North and South Indian Roads, I have come across many STUPID situations. Over the years, I have learnt to convert them into a Comedy Scene to KEEP MY COOL. Basically I was Stupid
NOT to have done that early. I am pretty sure, these things happen on many "Village / Town / City / Suburb / Metropolitan Roads" in India. In-spite of many Indians getting Educated, these things continue to happen.
1. Whenever someone is "merging from Side Road onto a BUSY Main Road", YOU, on the Main Road, are expected to Yield. Because HE is the VIP, "You Stupid
2. Driving on a BUSY Road, if you yield to a guy coming from a Side Road, "you are Stupid
" for the guy behind you. Either way, YOU are the target, buddy
3. In 'stop-go traffic', whether your car just started from zerro or picking up speed, Pedestrians will cross JUST ahead of you. They always happen to pick "the nice guy".
4. If you stop for pedestrians, "you are stupid
" for the guy behind you.
, if any driver other than you
is involved in an accident, the traffic will mysteriously open up and THAT guy will zoom away. If YOU are involved a teeny-weeny incidence
, the whole world will blame YOU. Reason ? You were over-speeding, "you dummy
6. On a narrow road, YOU are expected to move aside and give way to the other Vehicle. It doesn't matter whether you drive a Nano or a Luxury Sedan. BTW
, If you drive a no-more-under-production car like "Amby, Esteem, Ikon, Lancer, Laura etc", or a Mahindra SUV or 'any SUV costlier than Duster/Creta/Jeep Compass', this rule is NOT applicable to you.
7. When traffic is chocked, you will hear honking. If you don't have Dr.Strange's powers to clear the Jam ahead of you, "You Stupid
, get out of your car and LIFT it". Grrrr. You ain't Hulk and you can't lift ?? Double Stupid
8. "Within a second can't you close the 'just now opened' 6 inch Gap" ? You Stupid
. Honk Honk.
9. "I drive a 2W / AutoRick; smaller than your car. I can manage to get out of this Jam pretty easy. Slam your brakes and give me way, You Stupid
... Same guys on a 4 Lane NH : "No No, me and my brethren won't drive within the Bike Lane. What do you mean I am slowing your faster car ? Haven't you heard of the Porsches, Lamborghinis and Ferraris ?? Slow down man. You ain't gonna help NASA"
10. "Can't you see I am late to drop my Children at School ? There is a pothole ahead of me, I DON'T WANT to apply brakes and I need to cut in front of you. Take care of OUR SAFETY, you Stupid
. What ? No, I can't leave home early and we won't wear helmets"
11. The braking distance you are maintaining is "ONLY for my safety, just in case a vehicle appears on the right side lane". No, as a VIP, I have a right to drive on the wrong lane. Keep an eye on me, You Stupid
, can I get a 10 rupee loan ??
12. "Your bumper is just 'two feet' from the car ahead of you ? PERFECT; I will demonstrate you how to squeeze in my Royal Enfield there.
13. "You think you are the first at the Red Light ? After me, You Stupid
... (positions the Bike/Auto/Car blocking your way) ...
14. "Hey you on the Middle Lane and waiting for the Light to turn Green. They need my signature to close that Fighter Plane Deal. After me, You dummy
... (A few VIPs make a Right Turn from the extreme Left) ...
15. You doing legal speeds on the Left most Lane... A guy pulls right next to you; he and the entire Gang in the vehicle Glare at you
... overtakes you... Immediately you see his Brake Lights
... he makes the Left turn while you stand on your brakes. You don't have driving sense, You Stupid
16. You are on a '60 kph speed limit' road. You see "traffic on your lane gently moving to the adjacent lane". As you have spotted this very late, you are unable to move to the other lane. You end up following a car doing 40 kph
. Helplessly you follow it... Someone takes pity on you and allows your lane change. As you overtake the 40 kph car, you find the driver busily talking into his/her mobile. He/she looks at you and conveyes, "That call was to NASA, you stupid
" and speeds away.
17. You will always find the Slowest vehicle on the Fast Lane. If you dare look at them, they will convey, "I learnt my driving in the USA".
18. When the traffic is crawling at 30 kph, you will find everyone around you in a damn hurry
. They will come too close for your comfort, keep honking and will force you to accommodate them ahead of you. However, AFTER crossing the bottleneck and onto a WIDE OPEN ROAD, ALL those SMARTIES will settle down to a comfortable 20 kph (in the hope of getting 500 km per liter
mileage). If you signal them, they will feel "Heh heh heh" but continue to ignore you. They know that Bill Gates is NOT waiting for you.
19. On the NH, you will come across "few vehicles driving parallel" and blocking the entire NH. You would wonder "if there is a Slow Vehicle Race
going on !" You forgot one very important point, you dummy. They are NOT over-speeding
! When one of them is terrified of their 40 kph speeds, he will drop speed and everyone other than you will go ahead
20. You are on the Left and want to take a Left turn. As you are abou... what the heck ? There is a bike blocking you at the junction. You would think, "He should be to his left; why is he to his right ?" Shortest distance, You Dummy
21. You are on the Left and want to take a Left turn. As you are abou... what the heck ? The bike / Auto / Car just ahead of you STOPPED then and there !!! He has to take THIS URGENT call to wipe out poverty from India
, You Stupid".
22. You want to take a left / right turn to join the Main Road. As you are abou... what the heck ? A vehicle is parked on the Left Lane of the Main road completely blocking 'Main Road Traffic' from your view. As you enter the Main Road cautiously, you find the driver standing next to his vehicle and having a chat with someone. "We are finalising plans to get 100 Gold Medals in the next Olympics, you Stupid
", he looks at you.
23. Last, but NOT the least. "Speed Breakers" are to be constructed ONLY on the Busy MAIN Roads and NOT on the side roads. And, remember NOT to PAINT them. Don't ask WHY, you stupid
As a toddler, my Niece used to call me Stupid
. Even now, very rarely, she would call me Stupid. It makes my day