. This is a discussion on Rover Montego 2.0 DLX Turbo: Ownership Review within Ownership Reviews. Part of The Automotive Reviews category; Memoirs of a caring for a hand assembled car; our Rover Montego 2.0Dlx turbo
It was acceptable in the 80s, ...
Memoirs of a caring for a hand assembled car; our Rover Montego 2.0Dlx turbo
It was acceptable in the 80s, but now finding parts for one is outrageous, There are spies amongst us, some say they are from Uranus, repeat Pluto is now dead. All the good men who have survived, have left. Carrying flash drives armed with laptops and telecommunication devices with giga pixels capture hidden in skydiver like bags.* Yelling abort mission, mission abort, permission to pull out in time. Only remember a folding bicycle is all you have, and three cans of boiled beans is all you have once they land. Such individuals vanish just as soon as they appear. But, all that is known is now known everywhere, Leave no stone unturned, the GOLD must be returned. The secret to long life, is tantamount to our survival. The BRICs.*
Kindly forgive me if this review is upto standard; my first attempt at making one up it exceeds 15000 characters hence would post a continuation.
At this point of time, am choosing to test voice to text conversion software, as notes are difficult and a doctor's handwriting is a chore to read. Some suggest a typing tutor would help, finding a quality secretary is like finding a diamond hidden in the yellow pages.
A car from a bygone era. First, came along the Maruti car, a car that was to move the masses, then the Maruti 1000 with a boot for luggage. These vehicles may been a game changer for India. As it changed the mentality from the trusty, reliable Hindustan Ambassador. To, having the ability to adopt the hatch.
For me, ever since my post-graduation. While spending time in the long room. There was an itch, a yearning for a trusty reliable workhorse. A diesel, an agricultural yearning, if you may. A time in which one could dream, of retiring, growing fruits, moving the lawn. In a home near the country side. Providing, the gift of tranquility; a home away from home.*
Many feel, India is considered by many a backward land, where the access to a toilet is a luxury. Open defecation, from what is said appears to be a habit that is tough to curtail. Steel prices are just left to analysts. Research states, a 10inch rim is unheard of in the 1st world, it is almost like it were made for a pizzeria. For a deep dish or to keep biryani fragrant.
*Living in a land, where the water is filled with all kinds of life endangering bacterium, reducing one's life expectancy. Being in the medical line, it has always made me wonder, when will she awake? Maybe, it is some form of system in which people blame the nation for its many mistakes resulting in inferior genetics, resulting in increased absenteeism. A plethora of religious holidays. And, after many numerous hospital visits, results in a situation, where people are eating to live where the first are living to eat.*
A jingalala lifestyle; enter the Rover Montego 2.0 Dlx turbo..
Almost, to me a limited production model; a parson's pleasure if you may, due to its relative rarity. But more well known for its frugality; to make, less seem for more and more seems for less. The crocodile clips always may need to be kept safe, if ever in need for a jump start
First turbo charged Diesel engine, with a moonroof and 18 kilometers to the liter.*
Not quite a telco, W124. The thud from the door isn't as solid. But, in the United Kingdom, the Montego from what I was to assimilate while studying there was that it was a Pucca family car, competing with the likes of the Passat, the Sierra & the escort. Prima Perkins; an engine that received an award for its engineering. For, being ahead of its time. The Jaguars were definitely prized possessions, along with a rare glimpse of a Bristol. Growing up, walking down the street of car showrooms, now known as the shopping belt, in modern day Singapore. Had always dreamt of owning a Jaguar mk2, in military green. I had made up my mind, I was in love. In love with the Raj, the law, the cars, the fish & chips and had made up my mind. If, I ever was to settle in India, I would have to have a car, that expressed, the era in which I spent my time, studying, in Ireland.*
Faux wood panels with tweeters, central locking, power windows with auto down function; the only thing missing a revometer. A top speed under 180; with a speedometer that tops off at 210.* Altering the fuel pump provided some gains but, the efficiency takes a drop. Perfect for hilly climatic conditions due to all that 'torque'.*
Had, always wanted a German assembled T series. But was worried of being taken for a ride, by scrupulous mechanics, and dacoits. They were all popularized in the movies, with all the dancing and technicolor, more still. But, please do bear in mind, a liter of leaded petrol was a princely sum of 8 Rupees, before the gulf war. To me, this was expensive, as books such as the Discovery of India costed around 21annas. Although, it must be said there was loads of fried cornflower oil. Which was going sizzle, pop, futt as was reading in the Bajji and cutlet store, along with a cup of garam chai, near the phone booth. Always used to wonder if it worth refining mixing with some good old methanol and putting it in the professor's car. For good old Jeeves sake. In life one must employ a helicopter approach, as runways are not long enough for a staggered takeoff. Space is scarce & life is tough. Neighbors will always prevent reclamation, citing nautical miles and stop progress.*
Always used to wonder, if cars could start to fly, we won't be stuck in traffic; would based on traffic manners would we have a dog fight in the air? German, the Japanese and the tuk tuk.
One should get a top down view, instead of a ground up view. Courtesy the Jetsons. (Cartoons) Some, burn paper rolls royces and many other things to guide their loved ones. But the Spinx, and the mahal, show us, what mankind is capable of. The wall, we believe is visible from space.
I always wanted, to able to differentiate myself. To be able to express myself, to the world & my local community. My critics have always been my critics. The, Marathas, the Kannadigas and the parathas were always not known to get along very well in the early days. Some, were known to be hot headed, and easy to agitate. Some were swayed by Lady Luck and a tendency to alcoholism. Some were hard working; eating Jawar rotis, leading to robust constitution. Water was never a big problem to them. There were others, waking up at 5am maybe even earlier getting their children ready for school, preparing the chapatis and the rest. Catching the bus in time, off to work. Bringing the nation to where it is today. Whereas, there were other's; the heavy rice eaters!!! Fertile soil, paddy fields. Elysian plains, of lush greenery, the water gushing in torrents. Filling the lands with water. In which sweet meats were enjoyed, by the dozen, a life of more sugar than we need. The scary part; Only, one issue. Labour, and it's effective retention. The Rover Montego made my feet do the dancing the right only mild flexing. Forefoot press, forefoot release. The dead pedal, it could be said was needed for a UK size 5.
Cycling has its many advantages, looking out onto the horizon waiting for the sunrise.
The bicycle, an effective force multiplier. An effective machine, no gears and you have succeeded. More gears, more control & relative strain. A dynamo would guide one in the dark. Although, through the saddle and the pressure it may exert on the perineum, as to the doctor's advice could result in infertility, hence demanding correct saddle fit. As in fertility, both women and men play a role. Hence, now and then we need to pamper ourselves, and take care in turn for the long run. For, we may never know how old age will treat us. The Montego has never kept me waiting, demand and the beast delivers.
From, one economy to another. There are worries of the brain drain, retention of an effective skilled workforce. Along, with successive retention of manhole covers. Keeping, in check inflation, gold wastage and many other worries.*
How did the heart win the head?[B]
While in the UK, people had different worries. Their worries were breakfast in bed, their wife, their mates and most definitely Liverpool. Some used to lambast England's performance in the World Cup. For some reason they were complaining the price of propah English breakfast, with the boiled beans. Frankly, was home sick. No foods, no coffee, everything was bland, everything was made for a delicate constitution. Easy on the guts. It was era when people in Nigeria used to fly to London to get their wedding dresses stitched. It was a time when oil was as cheap as water, before the impending collapse of the Lira. The chicken floats in oil the curry had more masala than normal, although one might spot a feather or two, if the plucking wasn't complete. There was always talk about 'the fire in the belly', and 'the fuel in the fire.' The ivory, was a commodity, seldom seen but talked about. Their history was in the making; a lot of talk on oranges and other fruits were spoken about, but seldom promoted. There was a lot of talk on going to Papa New Guinea, reconsidered bid adieu, bought myself a bag, a hat and shades made my way. Looking back a Lasso might have made sense; as many cash cows wander aimlessly on the countryside. Sometimes even occupying their right-royal space on the fabled expressway. It was only said to beware of the lion in the sheep's skin. My worries were simple, finding a pay phone, some peace and quiet to read, and 3 square meals a day.
Back to the land of boiled beans; Bengalooru! A hungry man, wanders aimlessly. Black is white, white is black. An ambassador is always the reckoning; buy it for less, sell it for more. Economic Hit men & Jackals; if you were lucky, you may catch some nuggets in the storm water drains.*
Why a Montego? Why a Montego? Why a Montego?*
Racing Gold was never a colour option, in the Montego's list of colors; British racing green and Caribbean blue were the choices. Lucky for me, there was no black. The roads were dusty, and this would be a car washer's nightmare; think about the metallic paint. No; a Jaguar, no way, no way, it was just out of reach. A MK2, with a curvaceous bottom, waiting to be split in two. Thank you, but no thanks. Off to find the broomstick, the granite needed resurfacing. Almost glinting in the sun's rays like glitter. Doctor's these days say it is all about the melanin and harmful UV, due to the ozone. Those carcinogens, have now invaded like Kublai and his merry men.
*It, is difficult to describe the colour. It is a colour that is full bodied, rich and has overtones of a past. The colour, just draws you forward, in its shimmering yarn, like a calm sea view. Of richness of depth, such clarity like salty water trying to resemble a pure land. Almost like it were drowned in milk, and placed to let the rays of the sun diffract and fill the room with the effervescent yearning of a teenage soul. Beautiful to see, beautiful to hold, but once broken considered sold.*
Carnauba wax, was not really a day to necessity. It was a distant luxury; waxing the Caribbean blue brute, white sand, hot sand like hot coals. Will a Rover Montego ever join the streets? The color was most definitely reminded me of a calming Mediterranean meal, drizzled with oodles of olive oil. Parking was most definitely the issue; space. But, life expectancy was always the worry; how to take care of the aging population. Msg here msg there; typing here typing there. Almost, as though as carpal tunnel syndrome, was the only way to attain a decent lifestyle. 'Enter the matrix; choose wisely the blue pill or the red pill.' Or white light therapy will all that will be left.*
Oh, my! Oh, my! In this day and age, a parking spot may even cost a century. Not to forget, the poor maid who may be forced to wash the car who may choose the easy way out and use the household grass broom instead. The iron box wallah had to be called in, to teach a thing or two about cleaning the car, In Pucca Konkani. The cleaning methodology was improved, it was a work in progress. We assume, if she ever bought a car, she would furiously honk the horn, to announce, the Bangalore Bomber's recent success, it would be almost, as though she were communicating in morse code to her peeps in Mars, or Uranus. A few thapads would have got her to get the work done right. She was also the individual who introduced us to the luxuries of Pantene, at 200 rupees a bottle, it was time, to let her go. As the missus, wasn't a beater, and soon the maid would be preening her smooth lustrous curls for the general public; beating the parachute backpackers. Leading to a complex decision choir or the spring mattress; do not be static. The demands in the environment is different and one needs to be flexible. It is more a mentor student culture than an employee boss culture. This led me to buy a TATA Safari many years later. The back is one a fragile thing, our posture while awake and sleeping is of prime importance. Bear in mind when Ravi Shastri won the Audi Quattro; it was a phenomenal move, to promote an automotive company with all wheel drive. An institution whose research and development budget can shame 3rd world economies.
Many years later I learnt, it was a 2 rupee shampoo packet that made the tires gleam the way it did and diesel with a rag that made the body work gleam. Most, definitely a shooting star, later to learn the washerman made it a problem child, as the paint was slowly being eroded. Searching for a break in the space time continuum; waiting for 7years of transformation.*
At 80kms an hour the efficiency was to laid to question; but the railway was most definitely the way as compared to the road. As accounting for driver fatigue, is not easy, as a coffee/chai shop is not always around the corner. After all, the amount of track, had to be put to use. With the bulging waist line, age was beginning to slowly catch up, hair began to fall, and a patch began to show. A trip to London, was in the cards, for parts & personal matters, had to reconsider. Due to the booming IT generation. Amusingly instead of a Montego, a metro if available may have made sense, but fear it may have found few takers. Had to have it rebadged with a Viking ship to chart those choppy waters. As, I slowly began to understand the earth was a sphere with the moon reflecting the Sun's rays in the night.*
Lucky for me, there was no lion to find when reaching a place I called home, instead a stray cat. Whom, I assume had a huge shadow at sundown. So huge, some say the feline was terrified of the shadow itself, hence had disappeared. Let alone how trade and commerce evolved is a mystery in itself; leaving it to scooby doo and the mystery machine. But, I wanted my own rumbling oil burner, to reminisce of the dreamy days, of eating a cutlet accompanied with a cup of garam chai. Arguing with college mates over a cup of coffee.*
A full tank of gas, the turbocharged diesel winner was off. To, Blaupunkt for her ICE to feed my ears with tunes of Shirley Bassey, Jim Reeves, Boney M & The dancing queen. Honestly, it was a welcome change from the Philips cassette stereo in my TATA estate. That car had so much room, filling it with sound may result in echoes. An, In-car CD player was a luxury; it complemented the sunroof perfectly. Compared, to a Hindustan contessa, most definitely feel it was a brave decision, pitting a reliable workhorse to a lifestyle oriented car. A 1.8l Linear beauty to a turbo diesel with a sunroof. It was a worthy choice, allowing children, to peer out of the sunroof enjoying the blast of wind in their face. With, Modern talking playing in the background. ; The operating room was always comforting as it made me feel actualized. But, the drive, it made me feel like I always needed to take the long way home. The gurgle of the turbo, and the sudden surge, paired with the 5speed Honda transmission. There was no looking back, mostly a flop for the majority. Due to the service support, unavailability of spares. Compared to Mitsubishi Lancer, it would not have been easy. Letting, go of the Montego was considered. It was most definitely, a heart over head decision. Chose to keep the car, and potter along. The car was provided with Goodyear shoes and changing them Pirelli shoes were most definitely worth, although I feel the compound was a bit soft for Indian road conditions. Kindly note this was still in the era where steel rims were still acceptable. Compared to a 800, the 14inch rims were most definitely a blessing. The boon the gods had showered apart from rain, was most definitely lumbar support, due to pressure in spinal column over the years, due to bone shaker busses and ornate although a bit Gordy furniture. To top this off a hernia, shifting pots, in a rose garden. Motorized mirrors, a reliable HVAC system, height adjustable seat belts, and a good suspension, to tackle the roads with aplomb. Many years later, an upgrade to the shoes were most definitely required. Efficiency was key, rolling resistance along with decent grip in rainy weather lead to an upgrade to the Michelin XM1+ making it an economical offering, suiting Indian weather and road conditions. French tires, perfectly suited for a gynecologist if you may; talk about whatever you want but please don't bring up the money. Because family planning and the works is just like a computer business, some say plumbing problem, we say blocked Fallopian tubes. The doctor in me says stop using the Internet and visit the damn doctor, for the Internet does not cut your hair. The problem is not on the outside rather from the inside out. Most of us say, localized solutions for the argumentative Indian mind. at most, a solution, on the other hand they are a bunch of professional moaners with no actual solutions, leading to pen of grunting pigs. Hence, it is just dirty, just dirty. Squealing like a blow off valve, in a turbo charged motor. Paraphrasing 'The First Indian would work, get two together a cup of chai and a conversation, three together a trade union' from the bosses point of view, China white please!*
So should Range Rovers and Land Rover's be mass produced in India? Panel gaps and quality control, has always been a wonder; Sculptured forms that bespeak a glorious past. Hmmph, tourists coming to India, for things other than mangoes. Really, what a revolting sight, it is not the flesh really, it just is the way it is consumed. Although, hunting for mangoes, firangi pani and bougainvillea, a genus of thorny ornamental vines, is always a treat to find. It just makes life more enjoyable especially when accompanied by the trusty steed; the Rover Montego but the suv used to be used for heavy shifting of fertilizer and the works. Sometimes, drugs(medication for patients under care) as well.
Once upon a time; four turtles held the world up and at end was a cascading waterfall. Later, on as time passed came a theory that it was in fact a sphere. Many used to wonder how Columbus found the native Indians, in his search for precious spices. Luckily, the masala cabinet is intact. The boot of this 'Viking ship', is more than sufficient for purchases at the wholesaler. The Germans just have to agree; cloves, nutmeg, fenugreek, and even saffron. Are all there for the plunder. Undercut the competition, encourage mass production. And, voila economies of scale. Enter the Macbook; a relative timeless classic. The Rover Montego 2.0 DLX, had to be fitted with a car kit for my trusty Nokia 5110 running on INA 45. After which it had to be upgraded, to a Bluetooth kit, as times had changed. 7 years mind you, 7 long years of blood sweat and tears; *not mine, mothers. Gone were the days of delivering babies in the country side. People gave up their meandering ways, driving through country roads, ignoring questions. Taking no for an answer. As, most said she is God, she gives us milk, early in the morning, all the way from Indiana. But her calves, my she is too skinny. Will she eat what, we give her, will she take care of her young? Will she make her country proud? Or will she just while aways her time in the middle of the flipping expressway. Blocking the world of the keyboard, blowing her horn, licking her lips saying there is nothing, I need yet I work for ever. Just ignored her and filled another tank of good old diesel. The prices have gone up, they are becoming a hinderance to a time, in which I could leave the engine running, keeping the air conditioner working. Before I left. So the inside was always cooler than the outside; blow that cool air; that cool air with the heavenly holy smells of frankincense and myrrh. Appeasing those up in the clouds, hence the weather always would be, fine. For now on, it would be so cold, on the inside. It was like inviting long lost friends see it, so warm on the outside, yet so cold on the inside. Almost, with the clinical precision of a German razor that leaves no stubble behind. Beats a knife sharpened by a piece of glass on a soap dish any day. But for cinematic effect, a good brush with foam, always makes a world of difference.*
The morning rubbish route; If it was a Rolls Royce, there are way more things to worry about than just, a wonky suspension, on the morning rubbish route. The Kohinoor basmati rice brand, makes some delectable biryani, if the ands is covered right. Although saffron is getting too expensive. The 'sapphire' is a genuine query of concern; if you can buy it. Can you afford it? Can you maintain it? More importantly are the streets safe enough? Hence, the Montego always made the most sense. Good efficiency and the Queen's award of recognition to certify the turbo powered engine. The beauty of all the car was assembled by Hand.*
To be frank; the car looks ugly these days, it's shape is mediocre. Cabbies and 2 wheelers alike have been driving close, giving it its dings and dents. Had Gutka intoxicated man bump me from the rear. Bumped another in the process, although the reaction was delayed. Headlights point to the skies, hence need some good leveling; to guide us in the right direction, as it needs oiling and rust treatment. The interiors are good; but it demanded reupholstering. The sound system needed yet another upgrade, it went though a branding exercise; to showcase the Viking to the masses. The map reading lights, well they are feeble. As the Rover tackles the many craters on Mars in the search for water, mine tackles the many on Bengalooru's roads. Also on the search for bottled water; now with added minerals. But the one thing that makes this car a pleasure, is that the wiper stalk and indicator stock, it is on the right side of the car; the wrong way around for many. Valet Parkers are not allowed near this creature, for the fear that may start dismantling parts. If India, truly prospers Somalian's may consider becoming valets. There is junk in the trunk, a spanner, in all four sizes, a broken toilet seat, bricks to keep the car up without fancy alloys. And most importantly a catylic converter for the deserving. For all the military who boasted about maintenance; the arsenal should be purchased by weight not by piece; hence encouraging one and all to eat walnuts, in preparation for the spelling bee. Those i's and e need to be the right way around or one losing marks; worse still you get made fun of for a bad version of the queen's English. For example pronounce; environment.*
Mother Nature still waits for the masses.. She will be retired, idling in the countryside. Purring away at leisure. Showing her, Turbo charged diesel ways. To tractors and Sumo's alike. So all that can be the worry is will she have the parts she needs to keep her the way she was, when she was a newbie. TATA has since bought Rover, a Chinese tobacco company has since bought over the Montego; now the question is will they ever enter the Indian market? Or will they slowly have to find their way? It leaves a long tale of joy. To see, a sedan made for the middle class sedan gurgle, and potter around and around. In a land where no one knows where she came from, where she will go. Or what she will do if unhappy; but now the freewheeling days are gone * The Montego is no older than the day she was made. Toddlers have become, adolescents, adolescents young human, who dream of interacting with Martians, hence it is easy to say that tax dollars is going up, but only fear it won't be a Neil Armstrong, conspiracy. As, for Kalpana Chawla, may her soul rest in peace.
Why? Rover? Rover? Why? What have we done? For we earthlings from the milky way, have been far too kind. The neighborhood banyan tree in the distance begs to differ; Pour me some water and I will tell you a tale of a land far far away. Where time stands still and tides wait for man.*
She deserves the best, some say a random orbital polisher; not a rotary buffer. Some say Makita, some say black & decker but most say flex, is best in the business. For wax some say zymol, others say Meguias some go auto glym; this saga is to be continued. Off, to paint the the picket fence, or make it snow with pH neutral foam. She is nowhere close to pristine, A pet project; she could shame and tame the masses now she sits in need of work, only to be visited by jerry and his visiting cousins, now and then. It is only sheer luck, they don't bring any pickle. The viking ship still remains, the one brute who reconned with my senses and said; we still know a thing or two about a locomotive.
the END! ta daH soon to reach 70,000KMS
__________________ Do not expect to leave the earth at at the 13th hour, for you may go on the 11th.
Sir, reading the ownership review, I must say you are blessed with an uncommon elan for describing things . It was a honour to get to know the Montego and its proud owner upclose. I think not just petrolheads but literature enthusiasts will also cherish perusing this page .
That's one of the finest review I have read Eliyasingan bro. And that machine is a fine piece of engineering. Suggest you not to give it to anyone. When I visit towards Bangalore let's catch up definitely.
Although, Doubt a local Rover will enter the global Market, Pax Indica
Annotated anatomy of interior;
-Dashboard with Tata Stereo
-Nokia Car kit cKw-7 with holster for Nokia 5110, now with 6310i last of its series.
-basic switches and dials (Analog Thermostat)
-air fragrance circulator (biological agents mixed with water)
The car is in line for mechanical work, electrical correction a overhauling.
It has been in ship shape for over a decade, now mild eccentricities are starting to show!!
Tupperware & free microwaves
Wow!!! That was some review, never read anything like this before. Thanks for telling us the tale of your Montego. looking forward to hear more and yeah a few pics would definitely enhance the feel for sure.
Wow what a review! Should I praise the car or the write up? The montego is a wonderful car during its hey days and would still compete with a few present day care as well. Once again, the write up style was nothing I ever saw before.( I guess you are a novelist)