Okay, sorry the Rajni-Newton joke was a repost.
Most probably this is one too. But this is guaranteed to make those whom Skoda have mistreated
. Here goes:
Have you heard about the quad-turbo Skoda?
It has paddles in the rear too!
Why do all Skodas have heated rear windows?
To keep the hands of those who are pushing it, warm.
How do you make a Skoda disappear?
Spray it with a rust-remover.
In my neighborhood, there was a competition. The first prize was a Skoda.
...the second prize were two Skodas!
Once, a Skoda was stolen. Next day, the paper had an interesting article:
You thief who stole my Skoda (XY-12-Z-3456),
keep the Skoda, but tell me how you started it!
--End of Skoda--
A dog thinks: The humans feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me. They must be gods!
A cat thinks: These humans feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me. I must be a god!
A woman parked her brand-new Lexus in front of her office ready to show it off to her colleagues. As she got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.
The woman immediately grabbed her cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the woman started screaming hysterically. Her Lexus, which she had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the woman finally wound down from her ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.
"I can't believe how materialistic you women are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the woman.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"OH MY GOD!" screamed the woman. "Where's my new bracelet?
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the
background checks, interviews and testing were done, there
were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test,
the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door
and handed him a gun. ‘We must know that you will
follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair
. . . Kill her!!’ The man said, ‘You can’t be
serious. I could never shoot my wife.’ The agent said,
‘Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take
your wife and go home.’
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the
gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5
minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I
tried, but I can’t kill my wife.’ The agent said,
‘You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife home.
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the
same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun
and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after
another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened
slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her
brow. ‘This gun is loaded with blanks’ she said.
‘I had to beat him to death with the chair.’
MORAL: Women are crazy. Don’t mess with them
Christ, I'm never gonna marry
Boy- Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl- Do you want me to leave?
Boy- NO! Don't even think about it.
Girl- Do you love me?
Boy- Of course! Over and over!
Girl- Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy- NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl- Will you kiss me?
Boy- Every chance I get!
Girl- Will you hit me?
Boy- Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
Girl- Can I trust you?
- - - After marriage - - -
Read from bottom to top!!!
Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: it was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in
three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a
romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home
he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour.
It was like a fairytale!
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell
asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because
they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to
take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have
money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when
we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light
candles all over the house! After all, I was so aggravated that I
couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!
"Bin Laden lived in this compound in Pakistan with all of his wives for 6 years. So he did suffer." –David Letterman
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The
driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the
shepherd, 'If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?' The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large
flock of grazing sheep and replies, 'Okay.'
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60
Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables. He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and
says, ''You have exactly 1,586 sheep.'
The shepherd cheers, 'That's correct, you can have your sheep.'
The young man takes one of the animals from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks, 'If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?'
The young man answers, 'Yes, why not?'
The shepherd says, 'You are an auditor.'
'How did you know?' asks the young man.
'Very simple,' answers the shepherd. 'Firstly, you came here without being wanted. Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Thirdly, you don't understand anything about my business..... Now can I have my dog back?
1 I need to tell you something. Look at point 5
2 The answer is look at point 11
3 Don't get mad look at point 15
4 Calm down look at point 13
5 First look at point 2
6 Don't be that angry look at point 12
7 I just wanted to say that you just wasted your time and that I know I'm awesome
8 What I wanted to tell you is on point 14
9 Be patient look at point 4
10 This is the last time I'm going to do this, look at point 7
11 Now look at point 6
12 Sorry look at point 8
13 Don't get mad look at point 10
14 I don't know how to say this look at point 3
15 You must be reallly mad, but look at point 9
Want to hear the joke about the broken pencil?
Nevermind, it's pointless.
An Indian goes to Woolworth's in Australia. He finds cat food at
He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.
The Manager gets suspicious.
He thinks that this guy might not have a cat and will probably feed
cat food to his kids.
He asks the Indian to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food.
The Indian goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.
Next week the Indian finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen
cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He
thinks that this guy may have a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will
probably feed dog food to his kids. He asks the Indian to bring and show him
the dog before he can let him have dog food. The Indian goes home and
returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.
The following week the Indian comes to Woolworth's with a bag. He asks
the manager to put his hand in the bag.
The Manager puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy and
immediately pulls it out. He shouts at the Indian,
"What the hell ! This is what we excrete, you Idiot !"
The Indian calmly replies, "Yes, now may I buy some toilet paper?
Missing Rajni jokes?
How did Graham Bell spill the chemical on himself?
He was trying to answer a call from Rajnikanth.
Rajinikanth once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Do you know why we won the world cup?
Just scroll down to see the horror
Of course, read the capital letter of each surname. You should get it by now.
NOKIA is planning to launch Rajnikanth "R" series mobile in 2012.
*20 sims compatible.
*1 year battery backup
*1000 mega pixels camera
*Mini Rocket launcher
and a new special feature 24G which is better than 3G, In this mobile you can meet the person and talk directly.
No offence to no one
EDIT: Do you know why dinosaurs vanished? See attachment. Make sure you update your calender.